Vandread: The Hina Stage
by Bug-chan
Summary: No, this fic is not in the wrong section -- R/R


Vandread: The Hina Stage a Love Hina / Vandread crossover (of sorts)  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Urashima Keitaro screamed; it was a pity the small, one-man, sphere-shaped space capsule was designed so nothing could come in or out once it was sealed shut. The average-height, bespectacled man clad in a space suit cowered with fear inside the capsule, which flew at such a speed Keitaro could not see what passed by except a bunch of white streaking light which he guessed to be stars, asteroids or planets. 'What am I doing here? Oh! Me and my stupid impulses,' he groaned inwardly.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
Alarms went off all over the Ikazuchi as unknown beings came out of nowhere and caught the mother ship by surprise. Men ran all over the place, grabbing weapons, manning ships and the like. Keitaro, on the other hand, immediately dove into a covered table and curled into a ball. 'Please, let this be nothing but a drill,' he repeated over and over again. Seconds later, the ship, or more precisely, the section where the man was cowering in, took a direct hit, rattling him and whoever happened to be around the area. "WAAH!" he yelped as he jumped out of the table. Throwing caution and rational thinking to the wind, he blindly started running and making random turns, bumping into either another man or a solid wall every five seconds. Eventually, he slammed into a wall, but this time it was a padded wall and instead of being flat, it felt like a giant bowl. He opened one eye and took in his surroundings. In contrast to the Ikazuchi's flat and mechanical feel, this particular area was padded. Above him was a slogan that said, "Women are evil!" with another one below that saying "They will eat your liver!" Seconds later, he felt a vibration, and turned to see the door closing rapidly and sealing him inside the cabin. "NO!!!!" he wailed in vain. Right after the door closed, the capsule he locked himself in launched at such a speed that flattened him against the wall, knocking the wind from him. The force was so great that it immediately knocked him out unconscious and the capsule flew off.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
"Now I'm floating in the middle of nowhere, the controls are bust and there's no map or radar. Just great," he verbally mused. Just as he finished saying that, he felt a jolt that stopped the capsule. He looked out a window to see that a giant ship approximately the size of the Ikazuchi had grabbed his capsule.  
  
ONBOARD THAT GIANT SHIP  
  
"We have grabbed hold of the alien probe," Mutsumi announced. The anemic woman, wearing her usual dress and long-sleeved shirt sat at a console in the front of the ship. Next to her, across a distance, sat an identical console, occupied by a significantly younger, blond-haired and blue-eyed short girl.  
  
"All right, proceed with scan," Haruka ordered. The oldest woman in the ship also was the leader of the group, occupying a seat behind Mutsumi and up higher.  
  
"Scanning," the bridge bunny trailed, "Ara ara, we have another male!"  
  
"WHAT???" four different voices rang out.  
  
"We already have one male in this ship!" Naru yelled out. Narusegawa Naru, pretty brown-haired pilot of a speedy fighter craft called a "Dread" looked disgusted. Next to her stood Aoyama Motoko, who shared a similar look.  
  
"I must agree with Naru-sempai. We cannot afford to have another male in this ship," the black-haired beauty said, gripping her katana that she always carried tightly.  
  
"Who knows? What if he comes and brings a lot of stuff?" the third pilot suggested. "Besides, rumors have it that if a male and a female join, the female has a baby." She paused, "I want a baby!"  
  
"Kitsune," Naru sighed. Motoko stared in shock at the short-haired, well-endowed woman, who always had a foxy grin, hence her nickname "Kitsune".  
  
"Besides," Haruka calmly added, "We do have that mech sitting in the hangar. Our current male passenger doesn't know how to work it but has acknowledged that it is from his planet. It wouldn't hurt to have an additional fighter."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No buts, let's let him enter. Bring the capsule in," the older woman said. Mutsumi punched in some commands.  
  
"Is she in her right mind?" the younger girl in the console whispered to herself. Mutsumi picked it up and sharply turned to her.  
  
"Sarah! Keep that down! What if she hears that?" the older woman whispered harshly. Sarah simply 'hmph'ed and returned to her console.  
  
Back in the capsule, not knowing the discussion, Keitaro sat, wondering as to why nothing happened. 'What is going on? Are they going to take me in, let me go, or,' he shuddered, 'get rid of me?' A sudden jerk brought him out of his musing as he noticed the ship getting closer. 'So I'm being taken in,' he answered his own question in relief. Seconds later, there was another jerk and he heard someone tapping on the door. Keitaro headed to the door and looked around for a hatch, which he didn't find. Seconds later, the door blasted open, crashing into him and sending both flying towards the other side of the capsule.  
  
"Oops, were the explosives a bit too much?" a voice asked. A small group of female soldiers wielding all sorts of weapons let loose a sweatdrop, being rendered speechless.  
  
"Suu! If you do that again, you can kill someone inside!" another voice whined. "Please follow me and bring the stretcher," she said but stopped, apparently stopped by one of the armed members.  
  
"Shinobu, wait. That man can be dangerous. Let me go in and disarm him," Motoko said and unsheathed her katana as she cautiously walked in. Those with guns pointed them into the capsule, covering her. She cautiously lifted the door that flattened him and saw an unconscious Keitaro lying there. "All clear," she loudly said and the group gave a sigh of relief. She then noticed a hand rise from him and curious as to what it would do, just watched it. Suddenly, she felt a part of her being groped and looked down to one of her breasts.  
  
"Why...you...condemned...MALE!!" she screamed. "Hiken, Zan-gan-ken!" She blasted an enormous amount of chi at the lying male and truly put him to sleep. She collapsed backwards and breathed heavily while the other women looked on in concern.  
  
"Should I call for another stretcher?" Shinobu asked while the present stretcher headed to pick Keitaro up.  
  
"No, I'll be fine after I slow my breathing," Motoko answered. She then looked at the armed women gathered and ordered, "I want six of you to escort that man. He is dangerous, even when he's unconscious."  
  
"Then why even take him into the infirmary?" one asked.  
  
"Haruka-san's orders," Motoko simply answered. Without any more argument six women flanked the Keitaro-filled stretcher and the group headed off to the infirmary. The said woman sat there and placed a hand on the touched breast.  
  
'Why does it feel funny here?' she wondered.  
  
Half an hour later, Keitaro opened his eyes, and immediately regretted it. 'Argh! The lights are bright!' He cringed and shuffled in the bed. Shinobu picked up the shuffling and turned to see her patient turn around a few times with half-open eyes.  
  
"Oh! You're awake!' the blue-haired girl said as she approached the prone Keitaro. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Uhh...my head hurts, thanks for asking though," he mumbled and looked at the source of the voice. He first saw a white blur, which changed to a white blur with a blue blur, which finally cleared out to form a short person with neck-length blue hair. 'That person...doesn't look like a man...I must check,' he thought and reached out his hand. By then, Shinobu had turned around, about to head over to the communication console to announce his consciousness when she felt a strong grip on one of her buttocks.  
  
'AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she freaked at the strange sensation. She turned and saw the hand on her butt and screamed again.  
  
'Oh no, a woman. I'm done for!' Keitaro mentally panicked. Seconds later, he heard a massive stampede that progressively got louder. An armed group ran into the infirmary.  
  
"Shinobu, what's wrong?" Naru asked, bending down to her level. Shinobu, trembling like a leaf, only pointed at the bed, where Keitaro was now curled up into a ball and shaking like a leaf as well. Naru, looking up, saw him and menacingly made her way to him. When she got within striking range...  
  
"Please don't eat my liver!!!"  
  
Naru stopped short of sending a punch she wound up and looked at him, not knowing what to make out of the sudden burst. It wasn't something like "Help me!" or "I'm sorry!" and instead, it was "Please don't eat my liver!" Everyone else shared the same expression and a deafening silence floated in the air. Even Shinobu forgot about her fear and looked at Keitaro with absolute curiosity.  
  
Keitaro unwound slowly and looked up. Instead of seeing angry, demon- like expressions, or in his case, demons for that matter, everyone was rendered speechless and did nothing but look at him. "You...you're not going to eat my liver?" he whispered. This snapped the girls back to attention and their brains processed his statement, and burst in loud laughter. Now Keitaro was confused as he watched every woman in front of him roll over in laughter, and even cramp up.  
  
"Oh that was funny!" one woman said between fits of laughter.  
  
"These men are so stupid, yet so funny!" another said. There was nothing but laughter for another quarter minute before someone else walked in.  
  
"What's all this about?" Haruka asked, and got nothing but laughter in return. She looked around and saw a dumbstruck Keitaro. "Oh, you're awake."  
  
Keitaro looked at the tall, short-haired woman and fear seeped inside again. "You...you're not going to eat my liver, are you?"  
  
Haruka blankly looked at him for a second, then chuckled. "No, I won't. Now if you will, please follow me." She beckoned him to follow, which he dumbly obeyed and got up. Seconds later, Motoko came by, wondering what the whole commotion was about and noticed the growing proximity of her leader and the man.  
  
"STOP THERE, YOU MAN!" she yelled, unsheathing her sword. Keitaro yelped and lifted his arms to cover himself while Haruka calmly lifted a hand.  
  
"At ease, Motoko. He's under my control now," she said with that even voice.  
  
"But he's close to you! Who knows what he will do?" Motoko asked, pointing her katana at him. Haruka just sighed.  
  
"If it will make you feel better, you can stand behind him and guard him," Haruka replied, hoping that would appease the swordswoman. It did, and Motoko stood behind Keitaro a few steps behind.  
  
"One faulty move and you're history. Is that clear?" she whispered, her voice laced with death. Keitaro frantically nodded. The trio made their way out of the laughing room and made a few turns. Minutes later, they stopped in front of a door that said "Captain's room" and stepped in. Keitaro looked around to see a giant window in front of him, along with a desk and a chair in front of it. To his left he saw a bookshelf stacked to the hilt with books of various thickness and height. To the right stood a small closed cabinet of sorts.  
  
"Have a seat," Haruka told Keitaro, pointing to a char in front of her desk. He complied as the older woman sat in her chair across from him and Motoko stood close behind him. "Let's start with the basics. What's your name?"  
  
"Urashima Keitaro," Keitaro simply answered, and noticed Haruka's eyelids go up slightly. "Is there something wrong with that?"  
  
"No. Well, my name is Urashima Haruka, captain of the Nirvana, which is this ship, and the woman behind you is Aoyama Motoko, swordswoman and Dread pilot," the woman answered. This caused Keitaro's eyelids to go up in surprise. "What a coincidence to share the same last name. Anyways, why were you in that capsule?" For the next ten minutes, Keitaro proceeded to tell him the details, starting from his previous occupation in the male world of Tarak to his transfer to the Ikazuchi to his escape from it. Haruka nodded sagely and became silent, obviously in thought. Keitaro then opened his mouth.  
  
"Umm...permission to speak?" he asked. Haruka looked up and nodded. "Are you from Mejeiru?"  
  
"No," she answered, and paused, "Well, we all come from Mejeiru, but we don't represent it in any manner, if that's what you're asking. We're a group of space pirates." Keitaro simply nodded, digesting the new revelation.  
  
"Another question?" he asked again, to which the captain simply nodded. "What's a 'Dread'?"  
  
"A Dread is a fighter craft we use when we do our stuff. It's designed for speed so it's ideal for hit-and-run strikes," she explained. Then a lightbulb lit above her head. "Follow me," she ordered and Keitaro got up. They made their way out of her room, with Motoko behind him as before and headed for the hangar. A few minutes later, they arrived and Keitaro got an eyeful of the Dreads. There were three of them, all in various shapes and colors, but they shared a common feature of being very thin and smooth, allowing easier ways to speed up. "Those are our Dreads," Haruka said, noticing him looking at the ships. "Now follow me again," she said and they walked a bit more. Keitaro's eyes went up in recognition when he saw a familiar humanoid figure.  
  
"Hey, isn't that a Vanguard?" he asked, instantly recognizing the humanoid robot. It stood at a reasonable height and had equally proportioned limbs and torso. The thing that made it stand out was the lack of round edges.  
  
"Is that what it is called?" Haruka questioned  
  
"Yes. That's Tarak's main military war machine. It was designed to take a beating and return one just as bad, if not worse," he informed.  
  
'Idiots,' Motoko thought, 'Always acting first, then thinking.' Haruka simply nodded.  
  
"Well, since you sound like you have some experience, how would you like to be a pilot?" Haruka asked. This shocked Motoko.  
  
"But Haruka-san! You don't mean to let that male pilot that device!" Motoko yelled, losing her cool.  
  
"Well, we can always use an extra hand. Besides, if he turns against us, it will be three-on-one so that won't happen, right?" Haruka said, looking at Motoko, then turning to Keitaro at the last word. He dumbly nodded, not wishing to incur the black-haired woman's wrath any more. Motoko turned to glare at him silently. Her glare soon got cut off by a strong vibration that almost knocked the trio over. Seconds later, red lights and sirens lit and screamed all across the ship. Haruka lifted her wrist where there happened to be a watch-sized communicator. "Status?"  
  
"Weird cube-shaped creatures are attacking the Nirvana. The shields are absorbing their shots but we don't know how long it will last!" Sarah announced, panic clearly visible in her voice.  
  
Haruka sighed. "Engineering?"  
  
"The Paeksis is becoming unpredictable again," Suu replied. In stark contrast to the current situation, she was quite cheerful with no hint of distress in her voice. Haruka and Motoko sweatdropped.  
  
Keitaro shook himself out of the daze induced by the vibration and his pilot side took over. "Oi, obasan, what are you waiting for? Scramble the pilots!"  
  
Haruka heard his outburst and whacked him on the back of his head. "That's Haruka-san," she said and faced her communicator. "Have all Dreads scramble, STAT!" she ordered. Motoko tapped her shoulder.  
  
"And him?" she asked, referring to Keitaro, who rubbed the sore spot behind his head.  
  
"He's going out, and no arguments. We'll discuss this when there's no threat," the older woman answered and ended discussion. After giving him a look of contempt, Motoko ran off to where the Dreads were held and hopped into a sleek, silver-colored Dread. Seconds later, he noticed the brown- haired woman from the infirmary and a short-haired woman run out and enter a blue and a pink, C-shaped Dread, respectively. He then felt another whack on his head. "Well, leaving?" Haruka questioned. Without hesitation, he ran towards the sole Vanguard and hopped in.  
  
Keitaro adjusted the seating and strapped himself in as his training kicked in and his fingers hit various switches in a smooth, fluid motion. What happened next kicked the training mode out. 'Wait, something's not right,' he mused and looked at the controls. 'At least the core controls are the same. I'll examine this after the battle,' he concluded and let the training take over again. While he powered up, the three Dreads launched and headed to confront the "cubes". 'Whoa...that was fast,' he gawked, then launched his Vanguard. He saw three streaks fly to the right and followed them to the heat of the battle.  
  
Naru, in her craft, noticed a weird dot on her radar. "Haruka-san, I'm picking up an unidentified craft near us!" she announced as her face appeared on the main screen in the bridge.  
  
"That would be our new pilot. Say hello to Urashima Keitaro," Haruka answered. Naru's face showed a blank expression, which changed to recognition, which then got kicked over by shock.  
  
"You don't mean-"  
  
"Yes, that's the male we got today. Just let him fight."  
  
"But he's a male!"  
  
"So? We got some extra firepower, think of it like that. Haruka out," she cut communications and sat back, watching the battle.  
  
"Grr..." Naru growled, and set up a comm. link with the new fighter. "Listen, you male. No funny ideas now OK?" she threatened once communication was established.  
  
Keitaro was about to answer when he noticed numerous cube crafts heading towards her Dread. "Hey! In front of you!" he yelled. This caught her by surprise and she looked up just to see a hail of incoming laser shots.  
  
"AIE!!!" she shrieked as she went flying backwards at the speed at which she flew in. Unknown to her, Keitaro was DIRECTLY behind her in her current trajectory.  
  
"Holy-" he let out, noticing the speedily incoming Dread. He tried to get the Vanguard to strafe to get out of the way, but due to the inherent lack of speed, the efforts were in vain.  
  
In the bridge, the bridge bunnies picked up the sudden change in Naru's course. "Naru's Dread is heading straight towards the male ship!" Sarah yelled.  
  
"Ara, and the male is not getting out of the way," Mutsumi added. The two other pilots heard the conversation and yelled in vain to get out of the way.  
  
'Oh no,' Haruka thought to herself, sadly anticipating the loss of one of her pilots. Seconds later the two crafts collided and instead of a flaming explosion, a bright flash emanated from where they collided, blinding everyone who saw it. Haruka managed to break out of her haze and yelled out, "Status!"  
  
The blond-haired girl typed furiously at her console. "Scanners say there is one, no, two, living beings in one ship!"  
  
"What???" For a moment, it seemed like everyone on the battlefield stopped to see what happened as the flash darkened, and instead of seeing numerous fragments, everyone, or at least everyone in the ships, were shocked and surprised to see one giant humanoid figure floating around. It was taller than the ship itself and it sported four sword-shaped objects that sprouted from behind the shoulders.  
  
"Ugh...Haruka-san?" Naru's voice echoed through the bridge. Everyone gave a sigh of relief, glad that she didn't die.  
  
"Yeah, is that you Naru?"  
  
Naru shook her head and looked around. 'The last thing I remember was being in my Dread and slamming straight into that male, then there was a flash. This seems different,' she observed. The cockpit was significantly wider and her hands were feeling something other than a stick-shaped stick. As a matter of fact, she found herself sitting ON Keitaro as opposed to a chair and her hands were covered by his. This instantly woke her up and brought her back online.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SHIP? GET OUT OF MY DREAD!!!" she yelled and elbowed him constantly. This broke Keitaro's daze.  
  
"Wha?" he asked and looked around. 'This isn't the cockpit from the Vanguard. There isn't no big window. Then what-' he thought before being cut by an elbow to his head. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET OUT!!!!" he yelled at Naru. For a few minutes the yelling continued and unknown to them, the battle continued, laser beams and missiles flying by dangerously closely by them. Finally, one hit and shook the now-combined craft.  
  
"WILL YOU TWO STOP ARGUING AND START FIGHTING? I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANY MORE OF YOUR CHILDISH ANTICS!!!" Haruka yelled. Mutsumi and Sarah cringed, not expecting the usually cool and emotionless captain to blow her top. This shut the two bickering pilots as they tried to maneuver the new craft.  
  
"It seems like my Dread, yet different," Naru whispered.  
  
"It seems like my Vanguard, yet different," Keitaro whispered. He tightened his grip on Naru's hands and before she could turn and throw a punch, both flew backwards, Naru being cushioned by Keitaro as a massive green beam fired from the sword-shaped objects. It managed to destroy at least half of the cube enemies, surprising everyone in the battlefield.  
  
"What was that?" Haruka, Motoko and Kitsune all muttered at the same time, shocked at seeing such a giant energy discharge from the new craft. The two pilots simply gawked, still shocked. The cubes, meanwhile, took this time to beat a retreat.  
  
"Well, whatever that was, it certainly saved us," Kitsune mumbled and flew back towards the Nirvana, with Motoko and her craft close behind. Naru's thoughts came back online and noticed again her proximity to Keitaro.  
  
"You sick man!" she yelled and sent a fist towards his face. It connected and a bright flash resulted, but this time, it dimmed down almost immediately and the craft was back to the two individual Dread and Vanguard crafts. The two crafts flew back towards the Nirvana, both extremely confused as to what happened.  
  
A/N - This was inspired by the parody fic that has the Love Hina cast acting out a play. I just thought I'd actually go the whole way and create a crossover. Anyways, R/R plz. 


End file.
